Jack,

You are still in the womb as I write this, but you could be days away from being born. Your Mom and I anticipate seeing you for the first time very soon. The excitement of seeing you is something that is truly impossible to describe.

I want to tell you about something truly historic that has happened today. Your Mom and I have watched history unfold. We watched as America elected the first African American President! I am so grateful that you will be growing up in a society that has overcome a great deal of racism and bigotry. We have hope that this country will continue to provide opportunity for anyone, regardless of their skin color, ethnic background, or gender. Today marked a huge moment for the United States of America.

Son, I also want you to know that I truly wish I had been able to vote for the first African American President. I did cast a vote for the losing candidate, but it had nothing to do with race or ethnic background. My vote in large part was because of my concern for children who are unborn, children just like you Jack. Barack Obama is an advocate for what society is calling ‘Abortion Rights’. Essentially this gives a woman the right to kill her unborn child. Your Mom and I consider this practice of abortion to be a silent holocaust, one that is killing over a million children each year within the United States. I was unable in good conscience to cast a vote for Barack Obama, even though I wanted to be part of making this historic moment a reality, electing the first African American President. Yet, even though I did not cast a vote for Barack Obama, I am so proud to live in an America that has elected an African American to be President. And I am so grateful that your history books will have a picture in them that will look like this.

It is with much love and anticipation that I write this to you my son.

Love,

Dad

It is looking like little Jack will be entering into the real world very soon. Yesterday Jaime began to have stronger contractions and is now 2cm dialated. Jack is also at station zero.

All day yesterday I thought we would be at the hospital at some point, but this morning I am sitting at work eagerly awaiting Jaime to say it is time to go to the Hospital.

This is a very exciting time, and it is making it far more real for me that I will be taking care of a little person very soon.

We will likely post updates via twitter and facebook more quickly than on this blog, so check there for any ‘latest and greatest’ updates on Jacks arrival.

This past Sunday Jaime and I went to Centennial Park to celebrate Jack doing well at 35 weeks! Jaime also wanted some pregnancy pictures, so we brought our camera and here are some of the shots.

PS: If you click on the pictures you can see a larger version.

Today we had a 3D Ultrasound and here is a video that we put together with some of the video clips and still pictures we received. It is amazing that we can see little Jack before he is born!

The past few weeks have been stressful to say the least. For anyone following my twitter posts or Facebook status updates, you have caught a glimpse of what is happening on the family front.

Jaime began having contractions about 4 weeks ago, and really hasn’t ever seen them go away completely. This past week, the contractions grew stronger and it took a lot of effort for the OB Triage nurses to get them to slow down. My count could be wrong, but I think Jaime has been in to see the Doctor or OB Triage at least four times in the past couple of weeks.

Due to this, she has been asked to go on Bed Rest. This means she is supposed to be as inactive as possible and is no longer working. If you can, I know Jaime would appreciate visitors, phone calls, or emails since she literally can’t do anything.

Your prayers are also appreciated during this time, it is stressful, but we trust that God is with us and know that His hand is on us and in our lives.

The some positive news is that little Jack is doing just fine. He hasn’t been fazed by all of the contractions and is still growing well. He is also kicking, punching, and doing other athletic activities while in the belly. He will also respond when you press in on him just a bit. And that is really cool!

I have attempted to write this for a few weeks. Each time I ended up with a very random, poorly written, and confusing mess, that were my thoughts. I needed some more time to process everything happening in my life. Enough time has passed, so here is an update.

A few weeks ago it was decided that Jaime and I would not be able to adopt a 13 year old that we had grown to know and love. I have a special place in my heart for him, he is the son that I had hoped to bring into my family. That won’t be happening now, and I truly feel a deep loss. A loss that not even Jaime understands. I feel like I have lost a son. A son that I never had, at least in any legal sense.

The same day that this decision was made, Jaime began having contractions during dinner which took us to a very unscheduled trip to OB Triage. The contractions were confirmed and it was a scary few hours. I didn’t even have time to process the loss from earlier in the day and I was already tossing around all of the various scenarios of a son that could be born 3 months early. They were able to get Jaime’s contractions to stop and gave us the green light that we could go home near midnight. It was a real relief. But by this time I was so exhausted that all I could think about was going to sleep.

At 6:00am Jaime woke me up and said the contractions were back. So, I jumped up and got us down to the hospital once again. They ran a few more tests that they had not done the night before, and after a few hours we were once again able to go home. We came home and got some more rest and then the phone rang. We were asked to bring the young man that we were to adopt things back to the group home where he was staying. I offered to bring the items back the following morning but they were insistent that they be returned that evening, and if we didn’t bring them over, that they would need to come and get them. And under the later scenario we would not even be able to see him to say goodbye.

So, we packed up his things and drove them over to him. It was a very difficult drive for me. It almost seemed like a dream. Like somehow I would wake up and learn that this wasn’t actually happening. But waking up never happened, we arrived. This was really happening.

He seemed to be doing well when we saw him. He helped unpack his things from our car and we hung around for a little while. When it was time for us to go I couldn’t find any real words to say. I just told him that this is not how we thought that this would happen, and I cried and hugged him.

It was over. The adoption had officially fallen apart.

I have been feeling so conflicted lately. Saddened by the loss of an adopted son, yet excited about the arrival of a biological son to be born by November 25th. It is a difficult emotional teeter-totter that I find myself in. I am now finding a balance and am able to talk about all of this, and think about it without fighting off tears. Due to this I really haven’t talked much about any of it, not even to most of my close friends. And honestly not a whole lot with Jaime. I have pulled in and have been guarded, knowing that if I opened up I would crumble. Time has made me stronger and, that is why I am able to write this tonight.

I have written a brief update on our adoption process. I have posted this on Facebook exclusively so that friends and family can have access to it, and not the rest of the blogosphere.

Adoption - The Journey and the Update

Yesterday was Jaime’s first Mothers Day! We had a very good day and the kids picked out a cake that they gave to Jaime. We have a picture of the kids, the cake, and Jaime on Facebook.

If you are one of my friends on Facebook you will be able to see the picture.

Jeff’s Facebook Profile
( If you are one of my friends but we aren’t connected on Facebook, I recommend setting up a Facebook account and adding me as a friend. ) Note: If I do not know you and you add me as a friend I will not confirm it, I only confirm people I actually know.

Yesterday we were also at McGregor Baptist for Sunday morning worship and I am beginning to like the Church more than I did initially. ( the bigness isn’t as negative for me any longer) The Sermon Sunday morning was really good and we bumped into a lot of helpful people. We also discovered that there are 5 different young couples classes for us to choose from at 9:30am on Sundays. So, next week we will begin checking out some of the different classes and we were encouraged to go to a few of them before deciding which class we should stick with.

Jaime and I are heading up to Illinois this evening. Well… actually we are flying into Indianapolis and then driving to Illinois.

So I am excited to see my Parents, Sister, Grandparents, Cousins, Uncles, and my Aunt. This is the one time of the year that I get to see everyone since I moved down to Florida. We will also be able to talk more about Adoption with everyone, so we are looking forward to the trip.

Hopefully I won’t gain the average 7 pounds that typical Americans gain over the holidays this year. My Mom has an Ellipitcal Machine that I will be able to use, so that will be good. (I may have to brush the dust off of it though… )

I will write back more after Turkey Day. Have a happy Thanksgiving and don’t forget to take a nice long walk after Turkey Dinner instead of falling onto the couch for the rest of the weekend.

Thank you Dad for serving. I look forward to seeing you this Thanksgiving!

My wife, Jaime, and I have discussed the idea of adopting a child from another country since before we were even married. But now we are exploring this idea in a non abstract way, and may be applying with an international adoption agency within the next month. The organization we are likely to work with is Holt International. Currently we are looking at adopting a child from either Thailand or Vietnam. I know this may be news for some of the people we know, but Jaime and I have been thinking about this for a long time. So I would like to ask everyone to be praying for Jaime and I as we pray through this decision. Our decision to adopt is not related to an inability to have children, but more out of a deep yearning in our hearts to bring a child that does not have a family into our home.

So, if it is the Lord’s will we may have a baby from a far away land within the next year to two years.